The Night Before Christmas

(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all though my kitchen
Was cuisine of all kinds
Quite a bit — not a smidgen

The counter was covered with
Pies, turkey, and ham
And up on the stovetop
Ten pounds candied yams

Near a huge chocolate Santa
Lay Hanukkah gelt
Treats for my Jewish friends
'twould be appreciated, I felt

Eggnog in glasses
Filled with spiced rum
I downed several cupfuls
My downfall’s begun

Cookies and nut rolls
And cakes of all kinds
I thought of my diet
But paid it no mind

Like a shopper after Christmas
I'm off on a mission
To rid future temptation
I’d empty the kitchen

First came the carving
Of drumstick and thigh
Giant mounds of potatoes
Next piled quite high
First a scoop, then a ladle
A bowl, and then four
I inhaled them quickly
And went back for more

On the table were sauces
And dressings made of nut
At the instant I ate them
Came pressure in my gut

I downed a whole bird
The seasoning and such
And turned toward the casseroles
“That's really not much.”